#honestly fanfiction is a very recent development in my life overall in that like

[caffeine-n-words]

Sarra Cannon's HB90 Bootcamp

Image: 2023 Quarter 1 vision board. Background: Asexual flag. Top left to bottom right: (1) A person writing in a journal with their laptop in front of them, (2) upside-down picture of a hand heart against a sunset, (3) a person relaxing with a cup of coffee, (4) a piece of paper torn away to reveal the word “plot,” (5) Q1 Focus!, (6) A book with light and letters coming out from between the pages, (7) a book with two pages curved over to make a heart, (8) a mysterious shadowed figure against a greenish light, (9) a girl in a white shirt with red stripes standing back-to-back with a girl in a black-and-white striped shirt.

You can read this article on Substack!

Hello, all!

So, recently I decided to take a one week intensive course called the HB90 Bootcamp, which is run by Sarra Cannon of HeartBreathings. I’ve followed Sarra on YouTube for a few years now; she’s a very successful indie author, and someone I look up to. This bootcamp teaches her HB90 system, and a lot of other authors have sworn this has been extremely helpful for them, for a variety of reasons.

So what is the HB90 system? It’s a system of goal setting and planning. It uses Sarra’s planner system, which has been developed over years of her own experimentation, combined with a kanban board for visual representation of the things you’re working on. You then set your goals for the upcoming quarter (no more than three), break the goals down into projects needed to accomplish them, and break the projects down into individual tasks.

The class itself teaches you how to do these things, and also how to set up the planner (like how to map your available time and estimate how much you think you’ll need to complete a task and/or project, so you can estimate how long you’ll need for the goal), and how to set up your kanban board.

Was this class useful to me? I feel like it was. It definitely forced me to take my lofty writing and authorial goals and make them into something concrete. I had to state what I wanted, and make an actual plan to accomplish it—something more solid than “write a book, find an editor and cover artist, hit publish.” In fact, I set three goals—one for my future as an author, one for my fanfiction (because I need to write that, it helps me decompress and it’s fun), and a personal life goal. Most of my time is going into the first goal, but having the other two let me schedule in time for mental health and personal improvement as well.

Do I think it would be helpful for other people? Overall, yes. A lot of the material is geared towards authors and writing, because Sarra is an author, but I think it would also be helpful for everyone else. A word of caution, though, when it comes to scheduling time—it asks you to be brutally honest about your available time, and you make a chart of every activity you do. This can be overwhelming if you’re not prepared. I have anxiety, and for me, once I saw the visual representation of my schedule, I almost had a shut down at how packed it looked. Mostly because of work hours.

That said, my schedule is based off my current work schedule, and once holidays are over my work hours should drop back some. It’s also an “idealized” schedule—my work days change week-to-week, so (for example) I probably won’t have two days off in a row, but that’s how I blocked it out. I’ll have to adjust the actual plan on a weekly basis. These realizations are honestly what kept me from shutting down and deciding I can’t do what the class asks. If thinking about the sheer amount of work you have to causes any kind of similar reaction, this may not be the class for you. At the very least, you’ll need to make some adjustments to it.

Is the class effective? It definitely has been for making the actual plan, but when it comes to the execution…I guess I won’t be able to tell until the end of the quarter. I’ll definitely do a follow-up post then, let you all know how the overall plan went, and some updates throughout Q1 to let you all know how things are progressing!

[rollercoasterwords]

24, 11, 6

<3

6. When did you start reading and writing fic?

ok bear with me i feel like this is like a very weird timeline for getting into fic but

technically my first ever fanfiction was a quizilla wwyff (if literally anyone else remembers quizilla and wwyffs hmu bc sometimes it feels like a fever dream) that i wrote when i was 13 BUT i didn't actually start getting into like...actual fanfiction until i was lik 16/17 and got very into voltron (dark times) and started reading a little bit of fanfiction and writing a self-insert fic that i then abandoned when the show went downhill and i got bored of it lol. and then when i was in my final year of undergrad and home for the holidays losing my mind i read atyd for the first time, but i didn't really read any other fanfic after that, so it was kind of an isolated event. but i also started to rewrite the captive prince series and finished the first two books in the span of like 2-3 months i think and then just slowly chipped away at the last one over like the next 6 months, and i remembered ao3 from my voltron days so i was like might as well post this here in case anyone's interested and then there were like a handful of people reading it and i was like wow this is fun! nice :)

BUT i would say that i didn't actually start to get involved in fanfiction as any sort of community until literally exactly one year ago when i started posting my rewrite of atyd from sirius's pov thinking it would go the same way my captive prince rewrite went, where i was essentially just fucking around having fun getting to stay inside this story for a while and a handful of people would stop by and be like hey nice! and then someone on tiktok posted about it and it blew up all of a sudden like...two or three months after i'd started writing it i think? and so i feel like i kind of got dragged into the marauders fanfic community lmao because that's what led to me like making this blog and stuff. and then i started to get more interested in the marauders fandom generally and started to see people recommending fics so i was like hmmm maybe i'll branch out from atyd and read some other stuff and. well. now here we are a year later.

11. Do you have a comfort fic that you always come back to? What is it?

i mean....atyd i guess lmao. except after sirius's pov i think i've sort of got it out of my system in that i spent like...6 months thinking about it nonstop and so now i cannot imagine re-reading it anytime soon. i'm not really a big re-reader when it comes to fics though, like aside from atyd i don't really think there are any i go back to. except hackery i have reread hackery many many times but i wouldn't call it a comfort fic it's more like the fanfiction equivalent of snorting cocaine when i need inspiration to write

24. If you could go back and talk to yourself in the moments before you posted your first fic, what would you say to past you?

i'd say hey babe ur actually a lesbian <3 also they're going to make shiro gay anyway and the lance x allura thing isn't a joke they're actually following through with it he and keith will never be canon <3 hope this helps <3

this ask game

[forestlingincorporated]

I wanna talk about Janet Drake

I’m not against exaggeratedly evil versions of Tim’s parents, tbh. It’s fanfiction, if we can depict an Exaggeratedly Good version of Bruce (which we can, and I do, and I love) then we can depict the Drakes as Exaggeratedly Bad. As someone who personally identifies with Tim, and his brand of complicated parental abuse in particular, I find it cathartic to uncomplicate that abuse and rescue him from the Obviously Evil Bad People. 

That said, since much of comics lore is passed down word of mouth, the oral tradition surrounding Tim has developed this idea of Janet as The Worse Parent between her and Jack that was never really present in the comics. We see much LESS of Janet, and we have 20 years worth of comics depicting Jack as a neglectful hotheaded idiot who ultimate does love his son. More importantly, Jack isn’t very much LIKE Tim, so there is a habit to attribute Tim’s traits to his mother... and, as someone who really really identifies with Tim, Tim has... some negative traits. Tim can be a bitch sometimes. He’s fiercely intelligent and sweet and kind, with a strong sense of justice, but he can be cold and judgmental and unthinking - he fights those traits, but he does have them. 

And it is perfectly fine to depict Janet that way. I’ve enjoyed depictions of Cold Calculating Janet Drake, but it’s not the ONLY option, and I want to challenge fans to consider different avenues. Tim could pick up these traits from anywhere: a nanny, Mrs. Mc Ilvaine (”Mrs. Mac”), a teacher, tv, Sherlock Holmes novels, Bruce Wayne himself. Tim is capable of not being like EITHER parent. 

So, what do we KNOW about Janet? (I’ll also touch on Jack, but only in scenes he appears with Janet.) 

When Janet was first introduced she was depicted as a gentle but “modern” woman. This was written in 1989, told by a 13 year old Tim, so this theoretically was meant to take place in 1979. I’m not here to give a lecture on the history of sex discrimination in the united states, but much of the legislation protecting women in the workforce or surrounding women’s bodily autonomy would have been very very new in this initial depiction. 

Here, Janet is shown to be encouraging, emotional, maternal, and projects her own feelings onto Tim. Jack is shown to be slightly sexist, possibly discouraging, but not overbearing. And the artist is shown not to know how to draw children. 

To insert some speculation, I think it’s important to note all the Drakes witnessed a terrible murder/accident that day. I point this out, because this is the last time Jack and Janet are depicted this way. It’s possible they changed as a result of this event specifically. 

However, this is also a story being told by Tim. It’s also possible these events aren’t really “real” at all, and Tim is misremembering what his parents were like as a three-year-old, possibly projecting a more palatable version of his parents into the narrative. This is entirely up to personal interpretation. 

In fact, the Drakes are shown in Legend of the Dark Knight attending Haly’s Circus, and the artist knows what a toddler looks like and they’re depicted as already having a slightly strained relationship. Jack is clearly on the defensive, and Janet seems to be passive-aggressive, though she could just be attempting to explain the situation to her toddler honestly. The intended tone isn’t especially clear. 

I do want to point out, in this depiction, Tim isn’t being carried like he was in the previous one. He’s walking ahead of his parents, which isn’t a terrible horrible crime, but could be dangerous in a crowded place like the circus. Might be a subtle hint to his parents overall neglect. 

Back to A Lonely Place of Dying, in Tim’s memories of the night he discovered Robin and Dick Grayson were the same person at nine-years-old, his parents are home, and watching TV together while Tim played... trucks, idk, in the living room with them. (This is semi-interesting, because you could say “oh, Tim liked vehicle toys as a kid” or you could extrapolate that this is another subtle indication of Jack’s sexism, providing Tim with appropriately “boy toys.” Either interpretation is valid. If Tim was assigned female at birth, would they have been given “girl toys,” or allowed to play with whatever they wanted?) 

This is, to my knowledge, the only panel of the Drakes when Tim is between ages 3 and 13. They’re all together, which might indicate that the Drakes were home more often when Tim was 9, only later going on business trips when Tim was “old enough” but... 

This is Tim’s boarding school when he’s 13. While most boarding schools in the US are for grades 9-12, Tim is clearly not a freshman at age 13; look how much younger the other kids in this panel are. In the US, the youngest you can attend most boarding schools is 7. 

That means Tim could have begun going to boarding school anytime between 7 and 13. He most likely spent all of middle school in boarding school, at least. There are an almost infinite number of possible ways the Drakes handled having a business that required lots of international travel, an archeology hobby, AND a very young child. Janet staying home until Tim was 7, 11, 13, is equally possible as the Drakes having a nanny until 7, 11, 13. Tim just doesn’t talk about that period of his life very much.

(”What about Mrs. Mac?” - it is unclear when Mrs. Mac begins working for the Drakes. We only see her when Jack comes out of his coma. She could either be a long standing staff member, or a recent hire.) 

Note: I’ve seen it said that it’s canon that “According to Tim, when his parents were home, they made a point to try and include him in their activities, bringing him along to events that were normally adults only.” I have never seen this panel, or I don’t remember it, so I cannot confirm, but I also cannot debunk this because... comics. 

By the time Tim is 13, Jack and Janet are away on business trips a lot, with limited communication, and no firm return date. If I’m feeling generous, I’d say it was harder to communicate internationally in 1990 than it is today. If I’m not feeling generous, I’d say the Drakes are extremely wealthy, and international communication was easier than ever before in the 80s and 90s. They’re not even going home to see Tim in a week or two, they’re going home and calling Tim at boarding school in a week or two. 

Even Bruce thinks its weird, though he doesn’t say so to Tim’s face. It’s written almost as if Tim’s parents’ neglect was meant to be a plot point that just got forgotten about. 

Tim’s parents are fighting at this point (their poor assistant), but Janet still goes with Jack on these business trips. And she’s clearly involved in the business, somehow, but the comics never SAY what Janet’s JOB is. We’re told Jack is the exec, but Janet is ONLY ever referred to as Jack’s wife, though they’re later described as the “heads” of the company, plural. 

Just to be clear, this is Jack’s business. There’s a perception that Jack is a bad business man because he and Janet fight over company decisions, and Jack looses the business after Janet dies, but Jack looses the company YEARS after Janet dies, and maintains it for about a year after No Man’s Land at that. We’re not told how Jack looses the business, but he’s got to be doing something right. Janet isn’t necessarily the “real brains” of Drake Industries. 

And I’m not... gonna... touch the... exploitation and racism because... I’m not qualified to do that. But, here’s the panel. The Drakes sure seem exploitative and racist in their business decisions. Someone else can... analyze that with more nuance. 

Regardless how how long they’ve been fighting, when their lives are in danger, the Drakes fall back into a loving husband and wife. Their marriage may be falling apart, but they do care about each other. 

I want to show these panels because it shows that Tim and Jack do have things in common. They’re both level headed in a crisis and can be somewhat cold in their practicality. Janet meanwhile and silent. Jack is later willing rant and rave at their captors, but Janet remains silent. 

That is, until they’re alone, and she finally lets herself fall apart. 

God, Jack can be obnoxious. Janet just looks miserable and resigned. I actually think Tim takes after his parents in this respect in equal measure. Tim can have a temper, but he can also be fairly melancholy and defeatist. 

Jack keeps reminding Janet to be strong and in control, which could be period typical sexism? But Jack seems so practiced and ready with the words of encouragement, and with Tim’s history with depression, I wonder if Janet has an inclination towards it as well. 

As the end approaches, when Jack brings up Tim, Janet seems to have a lot of regret. She talks about “wasting” the good things, and I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to assume she’s talking about time spent with her only child. 

From this point on, Janet is at times spoken of, but not seen. Like here, when Jack says Janet wouldn’t approve of him and Tim being so “far apart.” He says this after he tells him he takes back his threat to send him back to boarding school, which might imply Janet was against the idea of boarding school? Though she obviously lost that argument when she was alive. 

Jack will of course renege on this later, but that’s Jack Drake for you. 

Or here in Tim’s illness induced dream, where he gets everything he wants. Though, since this is a fantasy of Tim’s, where his father and girlfriend are both more accepting and understanding than they are in real life, I would take this depiction of Janet with a grain of salt. 

After loosing Drake Industries, Jack thinks about Janet (though, they call her Catherine/Cathy for some fucking reason) during his depressive episode. And... uh... 

Hallucinates a Valkyrie???? Is this symbolic of suicidal thoughts, or is she... real? Or is he seriously hallucinating? 

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss Jack’s mental state, the fact that he forgot Tim’s birthday, or that concerning “I was going to knock some sense into you but you’re still bigger than me” statement from Tim, we’re here to talk about Janet. And even though this entire arc is about Jack mourning his first wife, they don’t SAY anything about Janet herself at all. I mean, they don’t even get her name right, so I guess what was I expecting. 

Then there’s Origins and Omens, which also doesn’t say anything about Janet, except that Tim’s memory of her is faulty - Janet was poisoned, her assistant Jeremy’s throat was slit on television, but Tim seems to have conflated the death he did see with the death he didn’t. 

The only piece of canon to suggest that Janet might be cold, is Tim compares her to Thalia. And even then, he’s really just saying Janet was protective of him. It’s kind of a scary look to make at your kid, but Bruce does the same thing, so. 

I do want to say... it’s not 100% clear if Tim is even talking about Janet. He could be talking about Dana. Dana was observably protective of Tim, though I don’t think he’s ever called her mom. He PROBABLY means Janet. 

And finally we have Tim visiting his mother’s grave (in a duel Christian/Jewish cemetery, make of that what you will), where Tim says she was “a little religious.”

And that’s it! That is all we know about Janet Drake in New Earth. Hardly the Mom From Hell, but she isn’t perfect. I’d be interested in seeing some alternate depictions of her within the fandom. 

I’m still gonna eat up Terrible Parents From Hell like a starving puppy dog, though. Just some food for creative thought. 

[thetypedwriter]

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review by MsKingBean89

So. 

This is a first. 

If you’ve been following this blog for some time, then you know I generally read young adult books and write far too lengthy reviews on them with the occasional outlier of adult fiction, mystery, sci-fi, etc. 

At any given time, I usually have both a physical book that I’ve bought from somewhere that I’m working on (right now it’s Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley) as well as a fanfiction that I reserve until before I go to bed (my treat for a day well lived). 

Fanfiction is something that I’ve mentioned copious amounts of times on this blog in varying degrees, but this is the first time I’ll be writing an actual review for one of them on this platform. 

The reason for this is myriad. 

One, this fanfiction called All the Young Dudes is a far-cry from your normal standardized fanfiction of 5-50,000 words-something I can easily consume in a few minutes to a few hours. 

Nope, this behemoth ends on a staggering 526,969 words and 188 chapters, not including bonus chapters and extra in-universe canonical content the author has also written and published. Roughly speaking, if this was actually published onto paper it would be well over 2,000 pages. 

2,000 pages. 

Yeah. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. 

Two, while I read a lot of fanfiction I generally don’t put any of it on this blog because while I’ve dedicated it to published novels, I also usually have very simple feelings about fanfiction. My thoughts run the gambit of: It was good, it was fluffy, it was a train-wreck, so on and so forth. 

Normally my reviews are so long and wordy because I have too many thoughts about the published books that I read and I need an outlet to let them loose. 

Whether because of its longevity or because of its content, All the Young Dudes is a story I find myself having a profusion of thoughts for. Hence, the birth of this review. 

If fanfiction isn’t your thing, feel free to skip this particular review of mine (although fanfiction is a gift to this world and you should really rethink your stance on it if you don’t like it, just saying). 

Third, All the Young Dudes is well written and rivals any actual published content. 

Fourth, because of how extensive this fanfiction is, it took me over a month to read it-time I generally would have been reading something else. Instead of leaving you all hanging for a few more weeks until I finish Firekeeper's Daughter (don’t hold your breath-the book is sort of a slog for me personally right now), I decided to just take the jump and write my first-ever typedwriter review for a fanfiction. 

Fanfiction has been a part of my life for the better part of almost two decades now. It was truly something I found by accident and in retrospect, it’s insane to me that it’s still something that brings me continuous joy and happiness. 

I discovered fanfiction when I was 11-years-old and deeply obsessed with the Harry Potter fandom. 

Now, as an overall disclaimer I completely disagree with J.K. Rowling’s stances of gender and biology and differ wholeheartedly with her views of trans and non-binary individuals. With that said, I still love Harry Potter as a story and while I no longer buy anything that profits J.K. Rowling directly, I still love the fandom and the people in it, including fanworks like All the Young Dudes. 

When I was 11, the seventh Harry Potter book had yet to come out and like many other people in this time period of agony while waiting for 2007 to roll around so that I could find out what happened, I discovered fanfiction as a way to fill in that ache I was so keenly feeling. 

I found myself suddenly immersed in this world of online fiction-both good and bad-but completely entrancing all the same. 

I never left. 

That is to say, I did eventually move onto other fandoms with their own fanfiction cultures, but Harry Potter was still my first in terms of fanfiction and introducing me to the concept as a whole. 

Specifically and maybe oddly, I never found myself curious for actual fanfiction about Harry or Hermione or Ron. In my mind, I already knew what had happened to them and reading about them in fanfiction was redundant. 

In addition, the first fanfiction I just happened to come across was a Lily/James marauder era fanfiction on mugglenet.com

This idea immediately intrigued me as fans as a whole knew next to nothing about the infamous Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs and while I knew everything I needed to about Harry Potter it was intoxicating to think that I could learn about a time before the series had existed and about characters who were important, but off screen. 

I was hooked and devoured as much as I could for most of middle school about the marauders and Lily and James’ romance in particular (I even wrote and published some of my own that will go unmentioned as they are truly really terrible). 

That being said, I haven’t read a Harry Potter fanfiction in years. I grew up and out of the fandom eventually thanks to Twilight and from there I’ve bounced from fandom to fandom as I’ve aged and consumed different things and fallen in love with different characters and different worlds. 

That isn’t to say I’ve forgotten though. 

I still remember my favorite marauder stories, my favorite Sirius Black/OFC (original female character), and my favorite baby Harry drabbles. They made such a huge impression on me and even though it’s been sixteen years, I still recall those stories with fond nostalgia and jubilation. 

Which is why it’s almost ironic that I would return to this particular time period of the marauders with All the Young Dudes. 

In a fashion that’s almost scarily full circle, I happened to be on Youtube one day and saw a recommendation video about this girl reviewing a fanfiction called All the Young Dudes. Now, youtube book reviews aren’t uncommon, but a thirty minute video for a fanfiction? Not your typical sighting. 

So out of pure curiosity, I searched All the Young Dudes fanfiction on Google and low and behold the overwhelming and top results were all for a marauder-era fanfiction by MsKingBean89. Piqued, I clicked on the link in ao3 and thought why not? 

While I’ve mainly been reading in other fandoms recently (BTS, some anime and manga, All for the Game) I had been in a little bit of a slump for finding a really good, really alluring story for some time and really didn’t think I had anything to lose by reading All the Young Dudes, especially as the more research I did, the more I found how popular it was-a plethora of videos on youtube, tiktok compilations, and dozens of fanart posts. 

Plus, it had been so long since I had read anything from my progenitor fandom and the thought of going back was strangely comforting.

Hence the journey of reading All the Young Dudes began and oh what a journey it was. 

Now, that this review is already five pages in, I should probably tell you what on earth All the Young Dudes is actually about. 

The whole story is a marauder-era fanfiction told from Remus Lupin’s POV from the summer of 1971 when Remus is 11-years-old to the summer of 1995 when he is 35-five-years-old. It is an in-depth portrayal of Remus’ time at Hogwarts from year one to year seven and then going all the way up to the start of the second wizarding world, ending around the time Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix begins. 

While already the scope makes this a massive undertaking, the author also includes all canonical content from the original series involving Remus, the Marauders, and the time period and incorporates it into her fanfiction-making it canon compliant from start to finish. 

While a very large portion of this story is not romantic, there is eventual WolfStar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) and if you have read the original Harry Potter series...well. You know things don't end up super dandy for these two characters in particular so you know how the story will end before it begins. 

This fanfiction left me speechless for so many reasons. 

The scope and length is frankly unbelievable. This fanfiction was published on March 2, 2017 and it was completed on November 12, 2018.

….how?

How did she manage that? I frankly have no idea, but I am in complete and utter awe at her ability to write content with such a magnitude and actually complete it. She gets an award just for that honestly. 

Not only that, but the fanfiction is actually superbly well-written. I won’t lie and say it’s the most poignant and beautiful piece of literature I’ve ever consumed, but it was consistent in its pacing, characterization, themes, motifs, and structure, which, for 2,000 pages, is an incredible achievement when you think about it. 

Speaking of characterization, everyone was So. Well. Done. 

Remus was such an interesting POV to read from and while he was compliant in every sense of the word-werewolf, prefect, bookish-MsKingBean89 added so much more to his character and fleshed him out so incredibly that it’s truly tragic that he’s not a real person. 

And to that extent, she does this with all of the characters. You see James’ optimism and leadership, Sirius’ arrogance and loyalty, Peter’s jealousy and chess skills. 

Every character was so well-rounded and real. She did an incredible job of taking the bits and pieces from the canon series and using that to build up her own flesh and blood people with motivations, likes, dislikes, dreams, and desires. 

That being said, she also had 2,000 pages to do it sooooooo it would be bad if the characters weren’t fleshed out by the end honestly. 

In addition, I really appreciated that she didn’t just focus on Remus, Sirius, James and Peter. Lily Evans played a critical role in Remus’ school life and after and so did the other Gryffindor girls like Marlene and Mary. 

Too often, the focus is on the boys and their close friendship and while that was a huge focus, we also get to see Remus develop friendships with the girls in his own right and other friends as well that were often OC’s of the author’s. 

Now. OC’s are generally something I dislike. I’m reading fanfiction to read about particular characters that I’ve sought after, not to read about some imaginary cast. However, just like any of the canon characters, all of the OC characters were well-developed and played crucial roles in Remus’ development-while either at Hogwarts or after-and I found myself not minding them in the least. In a few cases (Grant) I actually really loved them. 

The biggest draw for this fanfiction for me was Remus’ time at Hogwarts. It was so well-written and incredibly descriptive and I found myself thrust back into the world of magic so suddenly and seamlessly that it was like I never left. 

MsKingBean89 includes so many intricate details and builds up the world so beautifully that I’d recommend any Harry Potter fan to consume it, just to get some good Hogwarts material out of it. 

Another thing I greatly appreciate about this fanfiction was the slow burn. I’ve read slow burn before (All for the Game trilogy anybody?), but this truly took the cake. Sirius and Remus don’t properly get together until the end of year six going into year seven. That’s over 100 chapters in. 

100 chapters out of 188. 

Meaning that over half of this beast doesn’t have the main pairing even together. For some people, this could be a drawback. You might think to yourself: It takes how long for them to confess their feelings and stop being prats?

A very, very long time. 

However...it didn’t bug me. I like slow burn to begin with, but being along for the ride as Remus goes from being a child to an adolescent with unrequited feelings to being in a relationship with someone he loves is so rewarding and fulfilling that the 100 previous chapters are completely and utterly worth it. 

MsKingBean89 develops them so well and so carefully that the payoff is so sweet and satisfactory that it's enough to bring the tears right then and there. 

The last huge feat of this fanfiction for me was the author’s dedication to canon not just confined to Hogwarts and the Harry Potter books, but also to the time period. Either she lived through the 70’s and 80’s herself or she had done her due diligence when it comes to research because anything from London anti-gay laws to British slang was commonplace in her fic. 

I found it completely amazing how she was able to tie in real-time historical and cultural moments like famous singers and movies playing at the time alongside convoluted muggle politics warring with the wizarding ones. 

I was so blown away by the accuracy and genuine love behind this fic that it often brought me out of my own mind to simply ponder once again how much work this was and how well she was delivering it. 

Even unpleasant things, like homophobia and bigotry, are dealt with in a very carefully constructed way that is aligned with the time period in which the story takes place. 

Unfortunately, everything beautiful is not without flaws and All the Young Dudes is not the exception, although it’s flaws are nary compared to its achievements. 

The few complaints I have with this fic are honestly quite negligible. 

First, there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Very few, but I did notice some. 

Next, and again, this complaint is really just me whining, but...the end of the fic was really fucking sad. The end of this whole story took me so much time to complete simply because I didn’t want to read it. 

I know what happened during the first wizarding war and I also know what ended it (James and Lily Potter dying, Harry being shipped off to the Dursley’s, Sirius imprisoned for a murder he didn’t commit, Peter presumed dead) and in one fell swoop Remus lost everything and everyone he ever loved. 

After spending over 1,500 pages of Remus growing to love these people it is absolutely devastating and heart-breaking to see him lose it all. 

The last handful of chapters are just really, really sad and it makes me wonder why MsKingBean89 decided to write it in the first place. Frankly, I don't know why she didn't write about Remus’ time at Hogwarts and stop after graduation because we all know what happens after that and none of it is good. 

Looking back, I wish I could time travel and tell myself to stop at chapter 150. I truly didn’t need to read about the tragedies that happened after that and the hell that all of the characters go through. 

And while it does end on a….sort of kind of maybe positive (?) note with Sirius and Remus reuniting briefly once the events of Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban take place, it was really tainted and bittersweet for me knowing that in a year Sirius would die and Remus would marry his fucking cousin and have a child. 

Urgh. 

I just can’t. 

That being said, I understand it’s not the author’s fault and I’m not saying it is. She wrote a canon compliant fic to the end and it was my choice to continue reading. That being said, she said she ended it before the events of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because Sirius and Remus are happy and back together and she didn’t want to write what was coming next if she continued. 

I truly, truly get that. 

But in the same vein, why even write the events of the first wizarding world to begin with then? I’m confused with that response as it doesn’t make much sense to me. I felt like ending it right then and there was not a happy ending. They’re together, yes, but at this point they are both shells of who they used to be. Both have severe trauma and PTSD and frankly I don’t even know if I agree with them being together just because they’ve put each other through so much. 

It’s just an interesting choice at the end of the day in terms of the author. 

Once again, however, I truly understand that she can do whatever she wants and that she doesn’t owe anyone anything, especially as she’s writing this for free and just because. So please keep in mind that although I’m complaining, I truly understand how fortunate we are to even have this fic in the first place. 

Okay. 

Secondly, my only other huge complaint is that MsKingBean89 made Remus gay. Not bi, not pan. Gay. 

You could argue that Remus just calls himself gay in the fanficiton as he didn’t know about other kinds of sexuality. You could argue that Remus’ sexuality changes and develops as he ages and experiences trials and tribulations. You could argue that it was a sign of times like so much else in this fic. 

I frankly just found it to be a frustrating choice as the fic is canon compliant and even though it ends before the events of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we know that Remus eventually marries Tonks and has a baby son named Teddy Lupin. 

How does that make sense?

I tried very, very hard to come up with some sort of feasible explanation for how a gay man would have ended up with the love of his life’s female cousin and truly could not think of one that was not fucked up to some degree. 

Again. I know I’m being nit-picky, but it irked me that she made this choice regarding Remus’ sexuality and essentially ended her fic with Remus stuck in a corner regarding how the series actually ends. 

At the end of the day, all of the negatives are truly, truly not important. I’m just whinging to whine and to express my thoughts, but I do once again understand that MsKingBean89 isn’t profiting from this fic and that she can do what she wants as is her prerogative. 

I hope I was able to express that while I understand that, I can still be frustrated with some of the choices she made. 

To wrap this all up, All the Young Dudes is a masterpiece and is a must-read for anyone who loves Harry Potter, the Marauders, or Wolfstar. I was blown away by the sheer magnitude, the love and care she put into her craft, the slow and deliberate development of all the characters, the beautifully constructed love between Sirius and Remus, and the intricate world-both muggle and magic-that surrounded the story like a cocoon. 

I am so happy I found this fic and I truthfully am floundering at what to do with myself next. If you have any more current Marauder era fics that I’ve missed out in the past eleven years, please don’t hesitate to let me know. 

Recommendation: Go read All the Young Dudes. For weeks, you will cry, you will laugh, you will despair, and you will smile. This fanfiction will make you wish this was canon and in my mind, it now is. 

Score: 8/10

Links:

1. All the Young Dudes on ao3 

2. The Youtube Video about All the Young Dudes that made me aware of its existence 

[siflshonen]

Do you read all shounen manga or a select few

Would if I could read them all…

I definitely don’t read every shonen (which, wow. That is a BROAD genre to start with) but I make it my business to know about a notable swath of the “big ones”. And even then, of those, I only focus in depth on the ones that really strike my interest. Below is a (noncomprehensive) list of shonen (and some relevant seinen) I have at least a modestly dangerous amount of knowledge regarding:

List under the cut (it’s a little long but not the worst)

Astro Boy (I love this series. While not strictly specific to shonen, I’m just a Tezuka fan in general.)

20th Century Boy (definitely a seinen, but I feel it is relevant considering it is contextually dependent on knowing a little about Japanese pop culture from the 60s - 80s. I really like Naoki Urasawa in general.)

Dragon Ball (I spend a LONG time breaking this mess of a series down for fanfiction and also personal enjoyment.)

Fist of the North Star (part one ROCKS. I don’t talk about this one a lot but I’m absolutely in love with it.)

Akira (watched the movie; read some of the manga and have knowledge of the differences between the two. Want to read more.)

My Hero Academia

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (I read all of part I, part of Part II, and have seen the new anime part III. Not one I like to take deep dives in, but enjoyable.)

Yugioh (the early manga and its anime equivalent “season zero” are my favorites. I constantly amaze myself with how much I remember about this series as a whole when push comes to shove.)

Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans

Jujutsu Kaisen (watched.)

Demon Slayer (watched.)

Gurren Lagann

Eureka Seven (this is technically a shonen! It is my favorite mecha anime.)

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Black Cat (watched)

Black Torch

Blue Exorcist

Attack on Titan (I read more than I watched. I stopped reading after Sasha’s adventures with the bow and arrow… honestly? I don’t like AoT very much.)

Dorohedoro (watched. I NEED to go read this because I adore it!)

One Piece (I read this until about volume 26 or so, liked it, but decided to keep my overall distance from it lest I fall in too deep. I still keep a marginally interested finger on its recent developments, though.)

Mob Psycho 100 (THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHONEN.)

One Punch Man (technically seinen, but I feel it is relevant.)

Fullmetal Alchemist (THIS IS MY SECOND FAVORITE SHONEN. But honestly I see it as a totally different animal than MP100 and find them almost not comparable, so take that as you will.)

BLEACH (oh wow… I loved BLEACH. I stopped reading or watching it during the battle in Karakura but I also kept tabs on it. The treatment of Tite Kubo at the end as well as the resulting ending itself made me so sad.)

Zombie Powder (I have a soft spot for Tite Kubo.)

Burn the Witch (I need to read it, but I did watch what is currently out. It didn’t really grab me, yanno?)

Naruto (This is probably the only shonen I ever dropped out of open animosity and annoyance with the work… the straw that broke the camel’s back was when Pain explained his fake initial plan to take over the economy to the Akatsuki. There was a time when I loved this series… I still love how Kishimoto used kabuki in the work separate from my own misgivings towards it… anyway, I still checked in with it from time to time but mostly because I took a bizarre liking to Naruto’s father, Minato/the yondaime, as well as Kyuubei himself. My resulting love of Bakugo Katsuki should be no surprise given this information.)

The Disastrous Life of Saiki Kusuo

Shaman King

Rurouni Kenshin (death of the author!!! His wife wrote most of the best parts, anyway!!!)

Yu Yu Hakusho

Hunter x Hunter

Devilman (with respect to Go Nagai: this manga sucks. I do legitimately have respect for Go Nagai but I don’t like his original work. I have GENUINELY enjoyed the experience of consuming it and learning more about him, his spin-offs and sequels, and influence as well as notoriety though. Knowing about this series enhances my love of Yugioh and Hunter x Hunter in particular)

Tiger and Bunny (THIS is the best superhero anime.)

Bakuman

Lupin III

Cyborg 009 (another series I know more about than I realize on a regular basis)

The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past (manga by Shotaro Ishinomori. Actually, I’ve read almost every Zelda manga out there!)

[ngame989]

First, a serious post...

Sup everyone, I’m about to hit the publish button on the new comic page for TGG and rather than flood that with paragraphs of personal drivel and apologies for the delay, I’ll just put it here instead.

Last year near the beginning of fall I had moved for graduate school and had started another attempt at a longer Starco series, which was the second attempt at a fic titled Forever. There were lots of plans to keep it going after the first chapter, but it never came together. Shitty work habits and focus aren’t anything new to me but even with procrastination to the point of losing sleep it never really impacted the results of my schoolwork until I hit the grad school world of something resembling adulting. Around the time I was planning Chapter 2 of the Forever reboot, the rug was pulled out from under me and my life became a wreck. I did manage to at the very least pull myself up from that and get my grades and schoolwork back to a good state, but at the cost of any serious longterm projects like fanfiction. I hadn’t the time nor energy to work on those, and it was overall a pretty fucking glum and lonely part of my life, and for a while honestly the prospect of SVTFOE S4 delivering lots of Starco goodness was what kept me looking forward rather than just shuffling from day to day.

And, well, we all know how that turned out, and it completely shattered me emotionally. Thank fucking god 4B was as wonderful as it was, because I’m honestly not sure where I’d be right now if it didn’t grab me by the collar and drag me out of the hellish nightmare left behind in my own brain by the destruction of the hopes and dreams that had kept me going. And honestly, even more thanks to @seddm for being the best friend a guy could ask for during that time and putting up with way too much of me even though it was painful for him as well.

I’ve mentioned it before, but the original idea for The Greatest Gift literally came from me being so goddamned salty and upset and forlorn after Lake House Fever that I needed something, anything positive to look forward to, and I reached out to @toxicpsychox less than a day after the episode aired with my pitch. The idea went through a lot of variation over time but the concept of the Starco photobook as a direct response to the album in that episode was what started it all, and that persisted the whole way through the planning process. Now don’t get me wrong - even at the time I had still assumed Starco was endgame, and gave the show enough credit that it would likely be very heartwarming and satisfying when it happened. I don’t want to give off the impression that TGG is just Toxic and I giving a middle finger to SVTFOE, because while there definitely is some element of “I wish the show would’ve done X Y and Z so we’ll just do them ourselves”, it’s first and foremost a love letter to the characters and humor and development that made the show special to us.

It’s obvious that our rate of production thus far is pretty poor, and while we certainly appreciate all the kind messages and patience from the fans over it, it’s still not up to our own standards. After recovering last year from the initial system shock and getting my grades back in order, I had kind of gone back on autopilot and neglected my habits as long as they got acceptable results, and in recent months that’s been coming to bite me hard in the ass, in many far more serious ways than just fanfiction writing. Most of the delays with it have been me and my habits/focus issues sabotaging myself, and it fucking sucks and I can’t apologize enough for it because we have so many cool things we want to show you and so little to show for it in the first 6 months of the project. 

So where does that leave us moving forward? In the past few weeks I’ve had some major wakeup calls and am taking steps, both internal and with professional outside help, to work on all of this and commit to getting my life to a place where I can be who I want to be and do what I want to do, and I want TGG to be a part of that because it truly is a special and meaningful part of my life. It’s not my place to speak for Toxic on personal issues, but we’ve talked at length about this and he wants to make changes and commit to more as well. So moving forward, we do plan to establish a firm schedule more reminiscent of our original plans, with 1 publication every Sunday alternating between comic and fic chapter. Again, we sincerely appreciate all the support we’re still getting despite our failure at maintaining a reasonable schedule, but we want to do this for ourselves as well as all of you. We’re planning to be ahead of the curve for this week, so look for something in the middle of the week and then will resume this regular schedule starting a week from today. Thanks for following.

[sineala]

Iron Man: And Call My Killer... MODOK!

So if you're a Marvel Comics fan of any stripe, you're probably aware that Marvel has a longtime history of publishing what they call "prose novels" and what literally any other publisher would just call "novels." You know. Books with only words in them. As opposed to "graphic novels," which is I guess why Marvel needs to make the distinction.

You're probably also aware that a lot of these prose novels are, well... bad. Some of the current ones, the original ones with new stories, have been getting good reviews -- I've heard good things about the Black Widow and Squirrel Girl books -- but a lot of them are just things like "novelizations of Civil War" and those ones are not great. (The MCU Iron Man 1 novelization was pretty good, but I would say that that was one of the few exceptions, and that only because Peter David both can actually write and has also written comic books.)

But a few weeks ago @blossomsinthemist told me that there had been a line of paperback Marvel prose novels way way back in the late seventies, and I was immediately interested for two reasons. One, if it's not novelizing an existing story arc, it's less likely to be terrible. And two, I really like late-seventies Marvel comics. So if I get to read a brand-new (to me) late-seventies story, I'm going to be pretty excited.

(If you're looking for these for yourself, prices vary, because people seem to be really into just having them for collection value, but if you don't care about condition and are patient you can get them for $5 to $10 or so.)

Anyway. I'm starting here with the Iron Man one, And Call My Killer... MODOK! It's from 1979 and is by William Rotsler, who also appears to have written the Doctor Strange novel in this series, and according to Wikipedia, he won four Hugos for Best Fan Artist, though most of his prose work appears to have been SF novelizations, and, uh, he was involved in the making of over two dozen pornographic films? Thanks, Wikipedia!

Right. Okay. The actual book. We are talking about the actual book. So the plot, as you can guess from the title, involves a lot of AIM and MODOK -- and because this is vintage 1970s Iron Man, also a lot of Happy, Pepper and SHIELD. SHIELD here is a lot of Nick Fury and a lot -- hi, again, 1970s -- of Jasper Sitwell. (If you're only familiar with the MCU, 616 Jasper Sitwell is, like, the ultimate Boy Scout SHIELD agent, a giant nerdy stickler for protocol.) Basically, AIM is scheming to get the armor, and the basic plot itself is kind of fun in that respect -- Tony scheming right back, decoy fake plans, a fake auction of the armor, and of course Tony and Happy captured by AIM. There's the requisite fight with an armored villain, of course, and what feels like a very perfunctory showdown with MODOK. (It's not a long novel.)

But since we're in fandom, we're not reading these things for the actual plot content, and so I am happy to say that on a characterization level, if this is the Tony Stark characterization you like in this era of comics, this book is going to make you happy. Because he really is, just... peak, classic Tony Stark. This is established very early on, in what is actually my favorite section of the book. Tony addresses a roomful of students about ecology, and his plans for SI and for the future, and about how he's not actually in it for the money and he just wants to do the right thing and save the world and so on and so forth and he wants to hire some of these kids to help everyone and build space colonies and so on. Similarly, when we first see Tony at SI, there's a paragraph about how he knows his employees' names and values them as people and it's very much classic Tony characterization. I love it.

In terms of canon, I'm not quite sure if this is relying on any particular recent developments in canon. Pepper and Happy are still together, and there's a throwaway line, in the list of Things That Have Happened To Tony's Heart, about how he's had several surgeries and a new heart and at this point in his life he has to wear the chestplate some of the time but not all of the time. I think that whole "weak heart" era is the Michael O'Brien/second Guardsman stuff, but I'm not exactly sure; this is not an era of canon I'm 100% up on in order. That may be a little too early for this, as well. Sorry; I'm not the best at this part of this game.

There is, of course, some identity porn, since what would an Iron Man story be without some good identity porn? There's a section early on where Tony explains why he would never reveal his secret identity. (Literally, he wishes he could "come out of the closet," and, yes, they do put that phrase in quotation marks.) His rationale is that the media would never let him alone, and also there are "Iron Man groupies, publicity seekers, and other assorted crazies" who would make his life miserable.

The weird thing is, then he goes on a date with what seems to be an Iron Man groupie. Pepper sets him up on a date with a woman who is a bellydancer and auto mechanic trying to break into acting. (The even weirder thing is that she seems to be named after a woman the author has coauthored several novels with. I, uh... I hope she knew first?) Anyway, they go on a date and she starts asking him about what Iron Man is like. Now, in a book where the plot appears to be that the bad guys want Tony's armor, I would be a little suspicious of people who were curious about Iron Man. But apparently this woman is on the level and just really likes gossip about famous people, and then at the end of the book when Tony talks about maybe going on another date he seems excited to "give her an opportunity to know Tony Stark." Although, really, she seems to still think Iron Man is cooler, so I don't see this working out well.

(Also, in the course of the plot, he does end up unmasking in front of MODOK, and as cover he comes up with the excuse that he isn't the only Iron Man and that there are a group of them. Which, y'know, historically, isn't even untrue, for a certain view of Tony's behavior -- there have actually been multiple people in the suit before now. So I kind of like Tony's quick thinking there. Amusingly, as he's bluffing his way through this, one of the fake Iron Men he names is Captain America, which honestly I think would make a hell of a fanfiction plot.)

Another weird thing: since this is right before Demon in a Bottle, Tony still drinks. It's not even an issue. And obviously it's meant to show something about his affluent lifestyle (and how he considers alcohol a necessary part of that lifestyle) but it's interesting reading this in retrospect and thinking about all the character development that Tony is basically about to undergo but hasn't yet.

So, yeah, in terms of characterization, this is an interesting look at Tony Stark basically preserved in one of the more-well-regarded eras for him, so on that basis I think it's worth reading. Which is not to say that there aren't some downsides, and since this book is mainstream fiction from the 70s, I bet you can guess what the main one is: namely, there is a certain amount of casual sexism and racism. The first scene takes place on a college campus and there is a lot of, uh, dwelling on co-eds and their short skirts. There is also a retelling of Tony's origin story, and you probably already know that ToS #39 is racist as hell (especially if you have seen non-recolored versions in which Wong Chu is literally yellow in the art) but the prose retelling here manages to add in some racist epithets (many characters are referred to as "the Oriental") which is... disappointing. Neither of these things are really unexpected for a book from 1979. But, you know, there they are. Heads up.

It also makes some weird narrative choices. One is that it has a surprising number of extended flashbacks in which dialogue is taken directly from the comics. I understand that back in the day before trade paperbacks and Marvel Unlimited and back issues whenever you want them, you the Iron Man fan might not have been aware of a lot of Tony's history. So I get why you would want to spend some time going over the events of Tales of Suspense #39. And, okay, Happy is a pretty important character in the plot, so I get why you'd want a lot about their first meeting in Tales of Suspense #45. But then there's a whole flashback devoted to the whole body-horror extravaganza of how MODOK came to be, and that one... that one was just kind of weird, especially because Tony didn't even figure into it.

And that leads me to my final complaint about weird narrative choices, which is the author has chosen to write this book in 3rd person omniscient point of view. I mean, it's a valid POV choice, sure. But it's a little jarring coming from fandom, where we are all basically 3rd limited forever and ever (like, honestly, I'm not even sure I'd know how to write 3rd omni if I tried!), and it's even weirder to read Tony in the middle of one of his inspiring speeches while a female student is thinking about how sexy he is even if he is an "older man." Yeah.

Also, the narration calls him Tony when he's out of the suit and Iron Man when he's in the suit. Consistently. Even when he's thinking about himself. I am pretty sure fandom never does this, and it is weird as hell.

So, overall, I have to say that despite some reservations, I really enjoyed this, and if this is an era of Iron Man canon that you enjoy, you will probably like this if you can get your hands on it, because it's a lot like reading an Iron Man comic from 1979, and the plot shenanigans are amusing. I mean, it's not the best-written book ever, but it is a lot of fun, especially in terms of Tony's characterization.

[myaekingheart]

1, 2, and 12!!

Bless you, Jessie 🙌💕 

Alright so since I reblogged like 20 ask memes, I’m just gonna go ahead and take the liberty of doing all of these numbers for every single one I’ve reblogged that’s applicable to give myself extra stuff to do xD

Fanfiction Asks! 

1. Do you read fic? Do you write fic?

I actually write fic WAY MORE than I read fic. I find that the issue I have when reading fic is that I get really giddy and inspired and then I lose my concentration on the story in front of me and my interests rather shift more towards the story in my own damn head. I really need to start reading more of other people’s work, though. I have a handful saved on AO3 that I just have not gotten around to, but I really should. I really have so many damn things I want to read, fanfiction and otherwise, but lack the motivation to sit down and actually read it. 

2. Favorite genre of fic?

I feel like it’s kind of hard to pinpoint exactly what kind of fic I’m drawn most towards, but I guess the best descriptor would be drama? I don’t know, I just really like stories that focus heavily on character development and interpersonal relationships (so bildungsroman lmfao), especially when there’s some imperfect romance and action/adventure involved. Both of my main fanfics, my Narnia series Temptation and The Scarecrow and the Bell, my Naruto fic, both are pretty much just that: heavy focus on character with imperfect romance and action/adventure. I just think it’s fun seeing characters, especially ones that have feelings for each other, in stressful and dangerous situations trying to work through them together and oftentimes disagree and have to figure out how to handle the disagreements, too. Or have personal stuff they’re dealing with on top of things. I don’t know, I just really love focusing on relationship dynamics and situations like that are a fun lens to look through. 

12. What turns you away the most from a fic?

Honestly, grammatical issues and whether or not the story feels believable. I guess I’m kind of picky when it comes to that stuff, but I’m also used to being critical of writing solely because I’m a creative writing major and a big part of this degree’s curriculum is workshopping peer writing. Grammatical issues in terms of a misplaced comma or something aren’t that big a deal, I’m not that stingy, but things like lacking paragraph breaks, or not knowing when to switch paragraphs, bug me as well as habitual misspellings of common words--the one that peeves me off the most is spelling “definitely” like “defiantly” or “definately” or any other misspelling under the sun. The idea of a story feeling believable might just be me being really picky but I’ve opened up fics sometimes where I could hardly get through the first paragraph because the story didn’t feel genuine to me. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I guess as someone who puts a ton of research into my own fanfics and also really tries to perfectly capture the tone of the source material, sometimes I’ll read stuff that just feels out of place and it really takes me out of the story and honestly makes me cringe. I feel like saying all of that makes me sound like some kind of asshole, though. I don’t know, I’m just so goddamn picky when it comes to what I’m reading and especially with fanfiction, since it’s a lot more organic and it doesn’t go through the same fine toothed editing process that professionally published works do (although I’ve picked up on some questionable stuff even in print books; one such thing was so minor, but it was a forgotten period at the end of a sentence and I kept laughing about it saying to myself “Someone missed a period!” You know, like an asshole.) 

Music Asks

1. your favorite album opener

Beartooth’s Greatness or Death off their most recent album, Disease. It just really sets the tone for the rest of the album and feels like such an appropriate intro overall. They have a playlist for the entire album on Youtube with the correct track listing so that was the first song off thei newest album that I had heard and it just felt like such a great and appropriate intro, it really got me into the vibe and energy of the rest of the album and I just...I love it a lot. The song, the album, the band in general. 

2. a song starting w/ the same first letter of your first name

Aurora Avenue by Defeat the Low. I’m a huge Nirvana fan, and the song is all about Kurt Cobain. The entire first verse was literally pulled straight from his infamous suicide note (”Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee.”) I stumbled upon this song by pure chance-- it was playing at the end of a video for a different song, which I think was actually a Beartooth one-- and it sounded interesting so I pulled it up and the minute I heard the first verse, I, who had read Kurt’s suicide note already, was like “WAIT A SECOND THIS SOUNDS REALLY FAMILIAR” but it didn’t hit me that that was what it was, and that the entire song was about Kurt, until later and it made me love it even more. 

12. a song you can scream all the words to

Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon. It’s an all-time fave, made even more so by the fact that it’s one of my top ship songs (for my Naruto ship, Kakashi Hatake x my OC Rei Natsuki, who I write the fanfic about, and even made an AMV for them with because I’M CRAZY). It also just hits really hard personally, especially the line “Have you ever put a blade to your wrists, or have you been skipping meals?” because it relates to my own mental health struggles. I’ve never had the right opportunity to actually scream all the words aloud along with the song, but I desperately need to find the right place to do it one of these days because I have a lot of feelings I need to get out that can only be done through that exact act and I need to do it in a way where I will not end up getting the cops called on me for being way too loud. I just need a soundproof room in general (not just for these purposes, but also because I’m a voice actress for an independent animated series called Space Hotel and I need someplace to record shit anyways.)

Soft and Ethereal Asks

1.secret garden or forest?

Secret garden! I love the idea of having someplace only I know guarded off by a wall with vines running up the side of it, the kind of place you enter through a wrought-iron gate, where flowers are growing through the cracks and there’s a bubbling fountain in the center you can sit by either on the edge or in the grass or on a dirty old cement bench from times before I was even a thought in my parent’s head, and just revel in the silence with a good book or a pencil and sketchbook and make flower crowns and daisy chains or have a little personal picnic laying out a checkered blanket and carrying everything in a big basket like strawberries and little sandwiches and homemade cookies and shit. I’m such a sap but I live for the idea of that gentle, pastel-tinted quiet afternoon. Pure solace. 

2.the stars or the moon?

The moon. I love stars to death, too, but there’s something about the moon that really hits me. Maybe it’s because it goes through phases but no matter what is still whole even when it appears not to be. Maybe it’s because it’s kind of comforting to look at. More than anything, though, it’s probably at least partially because one of my favorite films is Rise of the Guardians (and by extension, the book series it was based upon, The Guardians of Childhood) in which the moon is a major character, or at least The Man in the Moon. In the movie, he’s never seen or heard but he’s always there watching over the world. Jack Frost, the protagonist, doesn’t understand his purpose in this eternal life of his where no one can see him and no one believes in him, and constantly looks to the moon for answers but never hears any. The very first lines of the movie are even “Darkness. That’s the first thing I remember. It was dark and it was cold and I was scared. But then...then I saw the moon. It was so big and so bright. It seemed to chase the darkness away.” Not to get super religious here but in a way the whole moon thing even reminds me of Christianity a little bit, and I’m not really religious in the slightest (maybe spiritual, but not very religious) but this movie also came to me at a time when I was very at odds with the idea of God and faith and everything, and I felt like Jack Frost constantly questioning what the point of it all was and questioning whether something greater even existed and if so, then how could they let terrible things like this happen? Without any solid answer? I don’t know, I don’t want this to get into a debate about my own religious beliefs, but yeah. The moon and I have some history, so I’ll choose the moon over the stars. 

12.fiction or short stories?

Fiction. By nature of my degree, I have to read a lot of short stories for college and some of them are really enjoyable and interesting but then we get to the debate of genre fiction versus literary fiction, which I think is a stupid fucking debate and literary fiction needs to get off it’s damn high horse with it’s “holier than thou” complex or whatever. Or maybe it’s not the literary fiction itself so much as the people who praise it. Like yes, I get that literary fiction is contemporary fine art and nuanced and shit but sometimes I like stories about vampires and ninjas and teenagers with weird names and social anxiety. Literary fiction is fine and all, but let’s face it, genre fiction is way more fucking fun and that is why I chose “fiction” over “short stories.” 

65 Questions You Aren’t Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

If I’m going to be brutally honest, sometimes. Hell, sometimes I even question my own existence but I guess that’s just the depersonalization aspect of anxiety talking. 

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

With 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest, I’d say I’m at about a 3? I’m not as afraid of the dark as I used to be, but it’s situational. If I’m alone and it’s dark, then I get panicky because my awareness is impaired and I’m admittedly a very visual person so if I can’t see and I suspect there’s something going bump in the night, I’m going to freak out. Even hearing something, even when logically I know exactly what it is, freaks me out because I can’t know for sure unless I’m looking straight at it but if it’s dark, I can’t do that. I prefer to sleep when it’s like fully dark, though. I even used to wear a sleep mask to help with that and because the feeling of something soft over my eyes was comforting??? I don’t know, like I can sleep perfectly fine with the lights on, too, and sometimes if my anxiety is bad that’s what I’d prefer to make things easier on myself but for the most part, I guess it’s situational. I also feel like this is an appropriate place to say I have a duck nightlight in my bathroom, which doesn’t really have anything to do with being afraid of the dark so much as darkness in general but I also have a thing for rubber ducks so having a rubber duck nightlight is very on brand and I love it. 

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my boyfriend. He’s the one whose always here anyways. If not him, then from my mother but I don’t particularly want to think about her right now because I’m kind of upset with her so we’re just going to go ahead and say my boyfriend. 

Sensory Asks

[sight]

1. favourite colour(s)?

Red is my top fave, and has been since I was three. I think it was when I got a red VW Beetle for my Barbie dolls that I really fell in love with the color. All the accessories that came with it were red plastic and looking at them just filled with me a lot of energy and joy, which I later realized I felt whenever looking at red in general. It also helps that I can now make the joke whenever I’m asked this question that I love red “like the blood of my enemies,” which is always fun. 

2. least favourite colour(s)?

I’m really not a fan of yellow, chartreuse, and tan/beige. I can handle yellow in certain instances like with sunflowers or lemons or sunshine related stuff, but I prefer gold over straight up yellow. I don’t dislike yellow nearly as much as tan/beige, though. That one I can also handle in certain instances but for the most part, it reminds me of a time I got sick as a kid so looking at it for too long brings back that nausea. Chartreuse is the end-all, be-all of the colors I’m not big on, though. It just...reminds me of snot. It feels really unappealing to look at for me, too. 

[smell]

12. favourite scent?

Clean laundry, hands down. I love nothing more than the smell of fresh laundry, like sometimes I’ll catch myself literally sitting at my laptop sniffing my shirt because I love the smell so much. It’s just so comforting, and I think that’s because it reminds me of this doll I’ve had literally since birth. I called her Baby Doll and she was just a basic baby doll with a plastic head and cloth body that my grandmother got from Avon and I was so damn attached to it as a kid. I brought Baby Doll everywhere with me, even in my backpack on my first day of preschool. I slept with her for way longer than I’d like to admit, too. But she smelled like fabric softener, and when I was a little kid and was having bad anxiety attacks (which I’ve been dealing with since I was three), I would hug her really close and the smell was just really comforting. So now I have to get it from my own laundry because I still own Baby Doll, but I’m a grown-ass adult and she’s very fragile now (and also currently in storage for safe-keeping). So yeah, clean laundry hands-down. 

Fashions Asks

1. What season has your favorite looks?

Fall! I’m such a sucker for big cozy sweaters and jeans. Back to school fashion lowkey excites me, too, and besides: I feel like it’s a lot easier to find appropriate outfits for my personal fashion sense that fit cooler weather than the seventh circle of hell 106-degree-heat-index I’m currently living in. I adore oversized sweaters, leggings, skinny jeans, combat boots, creepers, hoodies, layers, all that good stuff but you can’t do that when you feel like you’re dying of heat stroke even standing in front of the fridge butt naked. Not that I do that, but it’s hot enough here that I could if I wanted to. That’s not an issue in fall, though, which is super fucking nice. I just really love being cozy all the time always. 

2. Formal or casual?

Casual! As much as I love the look of formal clothes, I am chronically ill. I am anxious. I am depressed. I want to be comfortable all the damn time, and I just can’t be genuinely comfortable in formal clothes. For example, I attended my cousin’s wedding last spring and wore these really cute Mary Jane heels that I love. They fit my aesthetic and make my legs look great, too, if I say so myself. I was able to get through the ceremony with them on but after the fact, they started getting so damn uncomfortable that I went to the car and changed into my ratty five year old combat boots like a total punk because comfort. At least they still looked good with the dress I was wearing, though, so that’s a plus. 

12. What fashions do you hate?

Okay, I feel like a lot of people might get on my case about this but I really can’t stand Birkenstocks. They just...look like what your overbearing uncle would wear with socks to the summer barbecue to me. I don’t know, in certain cases they’re at least fitting for a certain look and I commend the people who can pull them off but as for me? I just can’t wrap my head around them. I dislike them even more than Crocs, which I am also not a fan of. But then again, like...I’m also not big on today’s fashion trends in general. There are some things I do like, like oversized t-shirts with leggings especially if they’re a band t-shirt, and those cute Japanese uniform style pleated skirts (I admittedly own one and I love it). The whole ethereal quirky pastel modern grunge e-girl shit, though, just doesn’t vibe much with me. My fashion sense is more on par with Luanna Perez’s alternative looks and the 2007-2012 era of the emo/scene style, as well as some pastel goth, genuine 90′s grunge, and kawaii/lolita inspired stuff. Like I will gladly tease the hell out of my hair, add in extensions and coontails and a little pink bow, and throw on a pink polka dot dress with fishnets and creepers or something. I don’t know, I just feel really disconnected from what’s considered trendy in today’s fashion sense. Maybe it’s because I tried so hard for so many years to fit what was in style despite it not feeling genuine to who I was personally, that now that I’ve finally mustered enough confidence to leave the house wearing what makes me happy even if it is unorthodox and alternative (like black lipstick!!!), I just can’t get on board with what everyone else is doing. Sure, I feel a little weird dressing like it’s ten years ago when everyone else is walking around wearing like those dinky crop tops that say “I have no tits” or have like applique roses on them or whatever and anything else that’s considered modern on-trend but like...in the wise words of Kurt Cobain, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” I’m tired of trying to fit the status quo and doing what everyone else is doing. If I want coontails and snake bites in 2019, then goddammit I’m gonna go for it (though not gonna lie, the 20NINESCENE craze has me crying because I regret not having “the phase” in middle school that everyone else did so much sometimes that it’s physically painful so to think that there are still people out there rocking the thick side fringe and heavy eyeliner and the RAWR MEANS I LOVE YOU IN DINOSAUR shit makes me feel like maybe I’ve been given a second chance to be true to myself and become a part of a community that means something to me, rather than what I was actually doing in middle school being dragged through the mud trying to redeem myself of some sense of popularity because I was losing my best friend to the alpha female clique mentality and I was so damn unhappy, I legit had a breakdown in her pool about it once so you bet your ass I’m going to say screw it and do everything I wanted to back then now that I actually have the confidence and stopped caring what people thought about me.) 

[officialmaleclibrary]

This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Fall Without Wings and Celebrity!Magnus AU. Lu is on ao3 as vulturemonem and on tumblr as @notcrypticbutcoy, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase! 

1) When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.

WELL. The first fandom I was ever a part of was the HP fandom, a solid 7+ years ago now, and I found my feet in this tiny little niche part of it in the most obscure place. That was where I began, where I learnt about what fanfiction was, and it was honestly a journey from there. I’ve been part of some very questionable fandoms and writing communities (if you want the details you’ll have to hit me up lol). I found the TMI fandom in maybe 2012? It was right before the CoB film came out, and I’d been totally obsessed with the books, because there were actual LGBT+ characters??? Like what?? (Alec and Magnus were the first gay/bi characters I’d ever seen in a YA book. I was enamoured immediately. Forgive me.) And then the show came out, and was everything I’d hoped for and so much more, and the rest is history, as they say! 

2) What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

The obvious answer here is to say Fall Without Wings, which has been more successful than I could ever have hoped for. I’ve put my heart and soul into that fic, and seeing other people loving it honestly means the world to me. The other fic I’d say I’m really proud of is the fic I wrote for Malec Week 2016, Day 3: AU Settings Day. You know when you sit down and write, and everything just spurts out and you read over it and you’re like, damn, did I actually write this?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That fic in a nutshell. I don’t know where it came from.

3) Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write? 

Magnus and Alec are definitely my favourite characters to write, but for entirely conflicting reasons. Alec, because I relate to Alec on pretty much every level, and so I find him very easy to write, and it comes naturally, most of the time. And Magnus because he’s also, to answer the second part of the question, such a challenging character to get right. He’s centuries old, there are a million facets to his character, and there are so many things to consider when writing him. He’s experienced more than I could possibly imagine. He’s also in my top 5 favourite characters in anything, ever, so I’m especially driven to do him justice! 

Having said that, though, I think the hardest characters to write are those we’ve got less source material for, because I’m never totally sure whether I’ve got their characterisation right. Also, Clary, because she frequently frustrates me in canon, so I often find myself writing her a little differently in my fics. (Admittedly, she’s annoyed me less as the show has gone on. I have high hopes for season 3!)

4) What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?

Honestly, I think there are lots of hard things about being a fic author. One of the hardest things imo isn’t unique to fic writing, but is probably true of writing in general. When you put everything into writing something that you care about, it can be really hard to see it get torn down by hate comments - even just a couple. Consciously, you know that people who come into your inbox on anon spouting bullshit are just cowards, and that you shouldn’t take their words to heart, but sometimes people manage to hit you where it hurts. Some hate comments are just plain hilarious, but some of them can run around in your mind for a while.

The other hard thing is staring at your WIP wondering why the hell you can’t just write this damn thing already.

The easiest thing is definitely generating ideas! I get far too many to ever write! It’s hard to finish a fic, and it’s hard to stick to an update schedule, but it’s much too easy to come up with the ideas! 

5) What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?

Literally everything and anything. Songs are often a big inspiration to me, or random little things I see on TV, or chatting to other people in fandoms about headcanons or such. And even just life anecdotes. 

I’m a bit of a biology nerd, so I always think it’s really interesting to read about where creativity actually comes from. There’s science behind why I always get my best ideas in the shower or walking to the tube station on my morning commute – Google “brain idling” and have a read, if you’re interested! 

6) Do you write original content as well as fic? 

Absolutely! I haven’t shared any of it online, but I do, yes. Recently, I’ve had my free time slashed in half, so I’ve had to prioritise a little, but I do still write original things when I get the opportunity. At some point, when the time feels right and I’m satisfied with what I’ve written, I’d love to get something published, but I’m not in a hurry at the moment. My life needs to settle down a little bit first, but watch this space ;)

7) Do you have a favorite fic from another author?

Several!

- and my heart is set on you by ohprongs is definitely a tick-all-the-boxes fic for me, and is impossibly sweet with just the right amount of light angst dotted in - Traveler by bumblebeeskness is absolutely heartbreaking and hilarious in places and overall so beautiful it’ll make you cry - Set Me In Motion by lemonoclefox is another great one, with a perfect mix of angst and fluff, as well as some great tension, pining, and some brilliant cooking anecdotes - Also anything by Lecrit – yes please!!

8) What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?

We’ve had hints that we might get to see some domestic malec, so that, of course! I’m also totally here for the Garrobane development we got last season, so more of that would be wonderful. And Sizzy?? If this Simon/Izzy slow burn is going to continue, sign me up. I think Em and Alberto are doing a great job with their relationship! (Although I am surprisingly conflicted, because I’ve enjoyed Simon/Maia more than I expected to, considering I was fairly apathetic to their relationship pre-show…)

9) Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?

I’m currently continuing Fall Without Wings as my main project, and I go back to dabble in my celeb!Magnus&cop!Alec AU now and then. Once I’ve finished FWW, I’ve got a super-secret (I’m kidding) multi-chap WIP that I started and have abandoned, so I’m hoping to finish that. I’ve also got two multi-chap AUs planned as full-time projects to start after FWW is done. (See, ideas?? Too many!!)

10) Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?

Honestly, just go for it. If you want to start writing in the hope of someday getting published, fanfic is a great place to start. If you want to write fanfic just because, then there’s nothing stopping you! There are two things I always recommend to people who want to write, in any way, and that’s 1) read as much and as widely as you possibly can, and 2) practise until your fingers fall off! (Not literally, but you know what I mean!)

11) Do you prefer to write in AU verse or canon verse? Why?

I’ve got to be honest, I prefer AU verses, both writing and reading. There’s much more freedom in an AU. You don’t get people in the comments picking apart little details you’ve changed, and you don’t have stupid plot lines/silly world rules you didn’t like in canon that you’re supposed to take note of. I find there’s more fun to be had in a good AU. Even if you’re just tweaking things a little bit here and there to change the backstory, I prefer it to writing in strict canon.

[fallen-gravity]

For the fanfic author ask meme: 3, 13, 14, 19, 23, 47

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

I think I’m gonna stick with TOIAFOM! It’s the story I spent the most time planning, and one of the stories I spent the most time working on! it was really fun, because it was just a story I based off of a fan art piece I really liked, and I’m honestly still surprised at how it came out!

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

Believe it or not, I used to write mainly in past tense! That change up was a long time ago, but I still think it’s one of the biggest changes. I’m also being a lot more careful avoiding “says”, by filling in other words that fit better, and my overall style in general’s changed significantly too! 

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

I’ve developed a really big appreciation for platonic pieces. I used to write mainly romantic pieces for a very small selection of ships, and I very much tended to write “coming to realization” pieces, but now,

uh.

*gestures vaguely to AO3 profile*. yeah.

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

This question’s actually really interesting because it kind of made me go back and look through my older stuff on FF.net and? turns out that I’ve always been really fond about the concept of family.  This applies heavily for Moana, because my followers probably know better than anybody just how much I’m in love with the concept of Moana and Maui finding family and home in one another.

But also, I was exactly the same way for Gravity Falls. I tended to love writing stories that focused on the Pines Family as a whole.

In one word, I could probably sum up my entire profile with family.

And for a story, I think that would be pretty split between Thank You and It Breaks For You

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

It was one that came in this morning, actually! I’m pretty sure I actually started squeaking when I read it:

“Can I just say that when every time I read your stories of Maui and Moana, that I cry every time?? In a good way of course because I see and feel every emotion that you write into your stories with them. This was beautiful! Absolutely stunning! The chemistry between them as best friends, it’s like I’m watching a big brother and a little sister discover their mutual love, respect and admiration for one another. It’s breathtaking! I absolutely adore the relationship between these two, but reading your stories makes me love them even more!Well done my friend!:-)”

47.  . If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

I think it really depended on who was asking because I’m honestly a little bit embarassed to admit to people I know outside of Tumblr that I write fanfiction dfiknd

I always like to point them to my more recent stuff, so maybe to start off and give a general idea of how I write relationships (specifically Moana and Maui’s) I think I might point them towards Moana, stand tall! It’s one of my simpler pieces but I think it’s a good example of how I write these two nerds even when they’re placed in a really uncomplicated situation

[adorableears7]

20 Question Survey

Thanks for tagging me @mustardyellowsunshine

 My penname on FF.net is actually Michi4. Sorry for all the run-ons and poor punctuation. It’s late and I was excited to do this. LOL

First story you ever wrote: It’s Just (Han)you XD Pun originally >///<  “It’s Just You”” now. Anyway, it was a very basic one shot of the IY gang traveling, getting attacked by a demon and some InuKag fluff at the end. It was so innocent despite what I was reading at the time. LOL. (I’ll Have a Lemonade and its sequel was like the first lemon fic I ever read)

A story on which you have been flamed: I’ve never actually been flamed. “A New Addition” recently got criticized, though. It sent me into a spin for half a day LOL I wanted it not to bother me. But, once I got over it, I think it will help push the fic in the right direction. So, I ended up thanking the reviewer personally for it!

Your favorite story that you have written or are writing: I have three that I’m working on, so they’re all fun in their own way. I guess I have to pick “Broken Paradise.” I think I finally have a good understanding of the characters and it didn’t go straight to smut, so I’m really taking my time and having fun fleshing it out. It’s a self-indulgent road trip fic. I have some one shots in the works, too. Writing for @inukag-4ever for Secret Santa was pretty great!

Favorite story on a fanfiction site: I’m reading quite a few at once. But, I have to go with ones I really enjoyed that got the most reaction out of me that I would re-read: Phony Digits for its wit and humor and InuKag fluff; Freak Attraction and its sequel Seven Man Circus by @artistefish cuz of the characterization, storyline and mostly cuz of the superb writing quality, very descriptive. MY ALL TIME FAV that never got finished: Our Love Affair by Cataluna, but really it’s what inspired me to write. (I’m not a SessKag, but it’s salacious that IY and Kag have like a forbidden love LOL In all seriousness tho I do not condone cheating!)

 Why you became a fanfiction writer: I wanted more and more of Inuyasha waiting week to week for it to air and I was obsessed (still am). I couldn’t get enough. I write what I want to read or don’t get from the fics I read even though we have such talented people in the fandom. I guess I didn’t realize I was sexually attracted to him until I discovered lemons LOL But yeah, the quality writing of the fanfictions and sheer amount of them delighted my 17 year old heart and here I am 31 (3 days away from being 32), finally confident enough to write smut LOL but also understand the characters more and continue to write my own to develop my writing.

 Favorite media to write for (i.e. Pokemon, Naruto, etc.): INUYASHA. He’s a goddamned HERO, flawed, but he just grows so much and makes friends and a life after he thought it was all over. He continues to fight and doesn’t give up! He’s a warrior. He’s my spirit animal.

I had a few Vampire Knight ones, but it had been too long since I’d updated and have no desire to continue despite that it’s one of my top mangas. I’m a ZEKI fan and hoped I would get back to their fics, but haven’t what with all the Inuyasha out there. 

Story you’ve reviewed the most: Whatever I’m reading. I ALWAYS REVIEW cuz I want the author to know and as a writer I know.

 Your most popular story among readers: According to my stats it’s “A New Addition,” which has been running for a decade so that makes sense. LOL. It’s the sequel to “In with the New” and is about Inukag and Mirsan navigating married life with kids....

 A story on which you have/had writer’s block: I deleted my writers blocks. LOL. Those Vampire Knight fics and one Inuyasha one about their future daughter “transcending time.” Now, I’d have to say it was “A New Addition.” I hadn’t updated for like 6 years and if not for that critique I would be stuck even now…… Trying to keep with those monthly updates, but you can’t help when the muse strikes.

A story you deleted and then resurrected later: None. You shouldn’t bring back the dead. LOL. But, I’ve been thinking of bringing back Transcending Time maybe cuz it had one chapter to go, but I was just unhappy with it overall....

Longest private messaging conversation and with whom: 

@queenxolivier, @grapefruitwannabe, @what-makes-you-different and @inukag-4ever

  Favorite genre (i.e. fantasy, adventure, crime, etc.): InuKag.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But, fantasy, adventure, science fiction, thriller, action, crime, mystery….

 Your favorite lesser-known pairing: RinxKohaku *shock*

Your biggest qualm when reading fanfiction: Characterization. AUs to me are just putting our beloved characters in different situations, but they’re still themselves. If even I write them OOC then I want to know so I can fix it! Otherwise it may as well just be someone’s original fiction, which would be great in its own right. The other thing is I’m willing to read a “trash” fic if they’re in character enough. But, if Inuyasha says “wench” I’m turned off! I might still power through if I like the author or it was recommended to me. I’m reading fanfiction to fantasize/imagine the Inuyasha characters as I read. It’s nice cuz we all are so familiar with them, so we should be able to enjoy the lemons and plot of a story like just being indulgent cuz we know what/who we are picturing.  I’m reading IY in @richardiancox voice in my head, you know what I mean? LOL.

 Your biggest qualm when writing fanfiction: I doubt myself! Like is this worth someone’s time and sharing it. What if it’s not going anywhere? What if they’re OOC? WHAT IS THE POINT. LIKE WHY. Then trying to describe/write dialogue without repeating Kagome, Inuyasha, Kagome, Inuyasha (like the show it works LOL they scream each others names for 20 minutes) but with a different synonym for said. XD

A story you didn’t expect to get popular: I wasn’t expecting “In With the New” to do as well as it did. Especially re-reading it, GOOD LAWRD it’s like a DIARY of my 20 year old self right down to working in a restaurant and living in a house for students. YUP. Based on MY real life events minus hooking up with my roommate LOL Nope no man like Inuyasha in my life….

 Your favorite reviewer: I honestly deeply appreciate everyone who leaves me a review. 

 Your favorite author: I just have this feeling it’s gonna be @artistefish, but @gypsin is also amaze. I’m basically gonna read everything they’ve written if I haven’t already. So really though everyone in this fandom really does have talent! I have a long list (thanks to @grapefruitwannabe) of fics I need to read. I’ve found joy in @keizfanfiction. One of her fics actually made me cry, so….

 I’m tagging some other writers, because I wanna read their answers! Anyone else please feel free to do it!

@queenxolivier @kuddle-cakes-writes @sankontesu

[heartlikethunder]

The Art of Healing - My Personal Initiatives to Face my Depression

I’m 22 and I have severe clinical depression as a result of many things including poor relations with my parents, school, and of course, the current political climate. I’m a pre-med and I have lots of things I want to accomplish. All of my relationships around me are becoming toxic because I keep poisoning them. And most importantly, I don’t like the person I’m starting to become. I don’t want to discuss in too much detail as to what has brought me to this point in my life, but I do want to talk about a few initiatives I’ve taken to bring me to a happier place. 

A little bit about me briefly – I graduate from college with a BS in Microbiology. I don’t have a job right now because I’m taking some time off to (try) studying for the MCAT. I live at home with my parents and used to commute from my house to school. I didn’t get my license until last year – I was 21 – and even then my mom continued to drive me to and from places. Finally I don’t have many friends. Most of the people I have met are in relationships and thus their significant other is all they need or they try to push them onto their friends as well or they are interested in drinking and partying – again, not of my interest. I’ve been forced into an environment which is very isolated from the rest of the world. I spend a lot of my time in my room with little to no conversation with anyone. I’m lonely. And my goals are so far away I don’t feel like I’ve gotten closer to any of them. 

Hence, I’ve started a few initiatives to help me overcome this moment in my life:

Drinking a lot of water. Water is a great healing agent and I drink many cups throughout the day – it completely revitalizes me. Avoid juice and sugary/oily foods. Keep things light and clean. Eat smaller portion sizes too to not feel “overstuffed,” which will help you to become more active and it’s easier to move around with none of that food slowing you down or jostling around in your belly. 

Sleeping on time. Sleep is the foundation to easing MANY mental health related diseases or illnesses. Sleep by 10PM and try to wake up around 9AM. Don’t forget to turn you phone on silent. I have an amazing Do Not Disturb feature on my iPhone which I can set up to activate automatically during a time frame. For me I have it turn on at 7PM and shut off around 10AM/11AM. I have a really hard time going to bed because I keep thinking that I didn’t do anything today, I didn’t accomplish anything, and I dread what tomorrow will bring. You need to stop this. Some of your worst thoughts come in the darkest hours of the day. Plus the next morning when I wake up my head is pounding and aching and my eyes are puffy, sore, and bloodshot. I can barely sit straight I’m so exhausted and I become very sluggish. 

PURGE. I have some much stuff I’ve accumulated that it’s literally falling all over me, all around me. My drawers are overstuffed, my craft supplies are spread out over 3 rooms, I have so many books in our “extra room,” etc. Minimalism can be very freeing and you can focus on items that you really love. I try to take the time every couple of days to purge items that I no longer love nor enjoy. I also try to organize everything so it has a proper space (a LOT of it is very unorganized) that is easy to get to and easy to put back and I try to clean my room/house. I’m definitely a stress cleaner and I love the look and smell of a clean living space. 

There is a reason that your mental health has started to suffer. This can be any memory or moment in your life. It’s important for you to find those memories, address them, and start picking them apart in a positive light so you can heal. One of the things I like to do when I’m emotionally overwhelmed by something in my life is talk to myself about it and my feelings or to write down my feelings. I just leave it on my PC or in my notebook and every once in a while I will come across it and I’ll snort at just how silly I was for being so upset about something that really wasn’t that big of a deal. You can also write letters to someone else (maybe someone you feel that has wronged you or that you have wronged to help you move on). If you don’t feel comfortable talking to yourself you can also discuss your problems with a friend or a mentor (like a therapist or counselor). However, I would tread lightly with sharing with friends, because you’ll find that many of them don’t know how to “handle” your depression or some of them will leverage that information against you. They might not understand what you’re saying and they might also give you some very unhelpful advice. I’m not saying all people are like that – there are those who are better than that and their blood runs as thick as yours, but you have to be careful. You’re already in a fragile state – don’t let someone else break you into more. 

I like to keep my mind busy. When I read or learn something new my brain comes alive. I like to study and learn new science, I really love to read but lately have not had the time (I’m trying to put all my energy towards MCAT studying but after I finish studying I do have a list of books I plan on reading), and I read a lot of fanfiction and pick apart the stories. I like to look at the different skills the author used to get their point across. The stories are usually shorter than a full length novel. And overall they’re intriguing and fun. Personally I read mostly Harry Potter fics (especially Drarry), but I have also read some really incredible stories in other fandoms such as Lord of the Rings, Teen Wolf (Sterek) Transformers, Teen Titans, BBC Sherlock, The Hobbit, etc. Let me know if you’d like me to share a few fic recs. Also manga – some of it is very beautiful and engaging. You can easily find translations online and flip through a couple of chapters to unwind while looking at the art. 

Avoid a lot of TV. I know that a lot of my recent changes and dullness has come from all the TV rotting my brain. I’m going to lump in movies, anime, and Youtube into this as well. TV now a days is complete garbage. There is such terrible acting (while I do participate in the Teen Wolf fandom, I absolutely hate the actual TV show. There are many great actors but I don’t feel like the writing of the series gives them a chance to really blossom. My favorite is Dylan O’brien as Stiles, but lately as he has picked up new projects, I’ve noticed a change in his on-screen TV performance), horrifying plots WITH SO MANY PLOT HOLES, and the writing is just bad with multiple innuendos and profanities thrown in to make it more modern and cool. I’m also tired of the love triangles (The Shannara Chronicles made me want to cry), the poor representation of people of color, lack of depth and character development, etc. TV is just complete shit. And there are WAAAAY too many seasons of shows that should have been put to rest. I’ve mostly enjoyed Shameless (lots of great plots and subplots with tons of great character development) though that has started to wane a bit as I find some of the characters’ stories dragging and How to Get Away with Murder. I’ll occasionally watch an episode of another show here or there, but honestly, it’s all garbage. Instead take that time to read or do something else. I like movies – I mostly watch Disney – but I have noticed that when I’m bored and upset I just sit there eating and rewatching old films. While there isn’t anything wrong with that, doing that every day is going to eat away at your mental health. I feel the same way I do about anime as I do about TV shows. A lot of it is empty and honestly the classics were so much better like Fruits Basket. Finally, YouTube is an amazing community. There is so much to learn and discover on this platform. I follow a lot of channels including cooking, baking, gardening, fashion, beauty, etc. I also follow a lot of fashion/beauty bloggers. Here’s my opinion – don’t do it. A lot of them treat YouTube and their blogs as businesses. They get sent a lot of stuff for free. They’re always trying new stuff. That is their job. And realistically speaking, you cannot go out every time they rave about a new product, just because they deem it to be the best thing on the planet when you’re still in the middle of finishing your current one or already have a significant collection. Don’t do it. Also, stop watching them. They's a lot of rambling and talking about nonsense for the most part. A lot of them have very empty conversations and chatter that it’s tough to follow. Makeup doesn’t even look that great on me, and I’d never drop $100 on some silly foundation - I certainly don’t need to be watching 10 different videos on how to apply eyeshadow. I understand for many people they watch or continue to watch because it’s fun and they enjoy it. And if that is you then great, go for it – in moderation of course. However, I will say, always keep it in the back of your mind that eventually this might turn into an obsession if day in and day out this is all you’re “seeing.” Youtubers can really twist your views of the real world. I for one can personally attest to that. I have a very strong and wise head on my shoulders. I can pick up discreet social cues/messages hidden in the media and scoff at them - I’m alert and observant. But when I watch Youtubers and see many of them showcasing the same things and lifestyles repetitively, I immediately begin to think this is the way it is for many if not all girls on the planet. Suddenly spending $1000 on a Chanel bag is normal – a necessity to blossom into womanhood. Don’t forget, there are people out there scraping to make ends meet. There are plenty, if not MORE, people in the world that are living comfortable lifestyles not filled with materialistic things and spending their money wisely. Just be smart and don’t let their channels twist your perception of the world. If anyone is interested I’ll be happy to share some of the blogs I follow for outfit inspirations (I mostly just glance at the pics and never am overly obsessed with getting the same things they have on – other than Extrapetitie.com because her picks are wonderful and reasonably priced). I also find less Youtube, the less shopping I do, and less of purchasing frivolous things. On the same note when you do go shopping, tune into your inner feelings and ask yourself is this something you need and then ask yourself if you really want it. Don’t settle. Pick things that you look great in and boost your self esteem. I’m overweight and I’m also short. Aside from my stomach sticking out and having thick thighs, I also have very thick upper arms. A lot of stuff that might look great on my sister and mother (who are both a lot taller and thinner), look completely terrible on me. I always give in and get them in the end because my mother emotionally blackmails me into it, but I don’t enjoy wearing them and they make me feel like shit. I’ve recently acquired a few new pieces that I think are much better suited for myself and will be wearing those from now on. If you dress well, and you feel good in what you’re wearing, and if you look good, you’ll feel good. 

Take walks – nature can unwind you. I walk a round around my neighborhood. I think all together it is roughly 1.2 miles? There is also a very small park with a swingset in the middle that I like to stop at and swing away till my heart is content. This is when I listen to the new music I’ve discovered and come up with story ideas. Try to hit the gym. Sweat out the negativity in your life and I promise you, not only will your brain feel better, but you’ll physically look and feel a lot better too. Just get out of the house. This is a bit trickier for me because of my poor driving skills and my parents don’t let me go out much. When I do go out it’s mostly for groceries. I don’t enjoy eating out that much, but going out to eat a small something at a restaurant can be a very relaxing experience. Don’t feel like you HAVE to go with someone or that you have HAVE to eat a heavy/full meal. A lot of restaurants also have great rewards programs or newsletters you can sign up for to help you save on costs if you are in a financial pinch. Olive Garden always seems to be bringing around their famous pasta deal and fast food places such as Baskin Robbins have great promotions such as on the 31st of the month, each scoop of ice cream is $1.31. It’s not a bad deal for a casual outing to treat yo self and freshen up. The general consensus is to take care of yourself and relax. Something I do on my personal time is give myself a skincare treatment at night - a lovely facial with a facial massage, masks, etc. 

I love to write but I haven’t written in forever and I don’t have a lot of unique ideas/prompts. I do have one novelesque fanfic idea that I’m really excited and crazy about. I’m slowly and diligently writing it, but I still want to keep improving my writing and brush up on my writing skills during the in between. I suggest finding a fandom that you love – and if you can’t I highly recommend the Harry Potter fandom, because it’s huge and there are so many more opportunities here than other fandoms in my personal opinion – and write prompts and challenges. There are a ton of communities dedicated to prompts, challenges, gift exchanges, fic fests, etc. If you’re interested let me know – I have a huge list of some popular Harry Potter fests and such. Also, join and follow users who are active in the fandom as they too will sometimes offer opportunities to join networks or challenges they have created. There is a user who has created a drarry valentine’s fic exchange which is so cute and I recently started nooreva’s trope bingo for femslash february.  I’ve also claimed a fic prompt from HP kink fest. They’re not too time sensitive, and there is enough direction to help me from feeling lost, but still enough room for creativity to explore my writing. Let me know if you’d like any writing advice as well. I’m thinking of trying to get back into poetry while I’m here. 

I picked up some “pen pals.” It’s very new to me and I’m incredibly nervous. Snailmail revolution is huge right now, where people all over the world send attractive letters to one another and with it small goodies such as stickers, stationary, etc. I found a few people through Tumblr and Instagram for now. I have no idea how this is going to go because I don’t have money to be buying cute stationary and gifts – I’m already going to be spending a decent bit on stamps because I have picked up A LOT of pen pals to keep me busy – but I’m trying to keep on a positive note. It’s honestly very fun to get personal mail and to peek in and see all the lovely things people might have sent. I have written one letter so far and I did a lot of doodling, homemade stickers, and printing. I’ll keep you all posted on my experience as other letters start to come in. There is also a group that is focused on craftier snailmail that I’m a member of. It’s called pretty postal swap and I LOVE it. They have a theme every month and you exchange letters with other members based on that theme. Of course the goal is to be crafty so it’s a bit of a mix of scrapbooking and cardmaking. It’s a lot of fun. Some of the pics I have seen do appear to be a bit more upscale than what I can commit to right now, but I’m hoping it will go well. This is my first month trying it and the theme is an icy cold snowy envelope, with a warm and cozy card inside. I decided to create a simple snowy backdrop on my envelope with a shadow of a row of houses. For the cozy interior I made a homemade card with a sketch of an image on the front that I colored with colored pencils, I printed out some journaling cards of polar bears and some cute sweater designs, I printed some teacups which I colored with colored pencils and made them into homemade stickers which I placed into envelopes made from this gorgeous teal birdie wrapping paper, I’m going to be throwing in a bag of berry tea, and finally, I made a simple tag of a polar bear wearing a sweater. The final result is obviously homemade and I’m not sure what the group is going to think of it, but I have my fingers crossed and I put in a lot of time and effort into my final product. I also am a huge lover of scrapbooking and cardmaking, and while I do get a hefty fix of it via my snailmail art, there are tons of swaps and swap groups you can join as well. You can swap pocket letters, tags, tag books, embellishments, etc. I applied to join one but I cannot seem to recall the name or find the original sign up page. I believe they will be emailing me to confirm if I’ve been accepted but not sure about this one yet. If you’re curious to see what snailmailrevolution is I highly suggest looking up the #snailmailrevolution on instragram. If anyone wants to check out some youtube videos on the idea and what some of the packages look like in greater depth, let me know and I can share some links.

Finally I’ve also really gotten into doodling. I’m a terrible artist – my proportions are all over the place, but I’ve found myself enjoying following along with youtube doodlers and then sitting down and coloring them in. I’ve done quite a few already for my pen pal letters and would be happy to share some of the channels I follow for help and inspiration. To help me explore this new interest, I’ve joined the #doodlewithus challenge on instagram hosted by @alexandra_plans and @christina77star. Basically every month there is a daily challenge with an overall theme of what you should try to draw that day. For February the theme is space and every day we will be drawing a specific planet, space ships, rockets, etc. it’s so lovely and takes hardly any time. I highly recommend joining in the fun.

Volunteer - give your time to someone else. Focus on becoming humble. Look at the life people are living around you and learn to appreciate what you have. I personally work at a nonprofit clinic on some Sundays where I work in patient discharge in filing and scanning in patient records into the charting software. Personally I would prefer something more rewarding, but it’s very flexible and such an easy commitment. Turn your negatives in to positives. Give daily affirmations a try. I tried it myself but it was a little awkward and uncomfortable giving myself pep talks. However it is still a very powerful tool and I would recommend it. You could also try daily thanks and make a list of what you’re thankful for which is something a little more up my alley. 

So those are some new things I’m going to be trying out. I’ll give you an update in a few weeks after getting some responses and testing things out. It seems like a lot of stuff and in hindsight it is, but I think this is a great way to fill in some of those quiet hours in between my studying. This is by no means a definitive list. There are clearly some things I need to be work on or have in my life that I haven’t addressed in my list such as actual in person human contact, but it’s just not possible for me at this time. I also know a lot of people will redirect my in getting a job, but the MCAT is a beast, and if I can have the time to study for it distraction free and comfortably, with only that exam in mind, I’ll gladly take it. Some of these things might not work for you at all, this will not CURE you by any means, but it’s a start and hopefully will give you some new ideas to try and to expand your horizon. In the future I would like to get back into watercoloring, take swimming lessons and learn to properly swim (I finished up to level 4 or 5 – I stopped just short of the actual swimming part because I had trouble keeping my form), try a pottery class (I took a one day workshop at my school and it was amazing and frustrating. I would really love to go back and learn how to throw on the wheel properly), and maybe join a bookclub.

[dazedconfusedamused]

Honestly, I don't know how to start this.

Hello, humans. My name’s Pansy, and this’ll be my first post on this blog. Today, I’ll be taking about one of books I’ve read recently (currently I’m reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman and holy shit dude it’s so amazing), I believe it’s Matthew Quick’s newest books out but correct me if I’m wrong.  So I’m just gonna copy paste the little blurb on the inside of the book’s dust jacket here: “Star athlete and straight-A student Nanette O’Hare ha played the role of dutiful daughter for as long as she can remember. But, one day, a beloved teacher gives her a worn copy of The Bubblegum Reaper- a mysterious out-of-print cult classic- and the rebel within Nanette awakens.

As the new and outspoken Nanette attempts to insert her true self into the world with wild abandon, she befriends the reclusive author and falls in love with a young troubled poet. Forced to make some  hard choices that bring devastating consequences, Nanette learns the hard way that rebellion ca sometimes come at a high price.”

The first thing I noticed when I read this book was how the Nanette begins in the somewhat stereotypical setting of eating with that one teacher she knows at lunch because they’re friends or like in most novels (and fan fiction like most of the Frerard fics I’ve read) because she has no “friends”. She receives the copy of The Bubblegum Reaper from her teacher (Mr. Graves) and she begins reading it in the evening of the same day. The Bubblegum Reaper is about a boy named Wrigley(yes, like the gum) because he’s addicted to Wrigley’s Doublemint and throughout the fictional novel he chews it until his jaw hurts and shit. I think that Matthew Quick should actually write The Bubblegum Reaper though because the story is really interesting but I won't go into too much detail because this post might end up being 4,000 words long or some shit like that. But anyway, like most readers(AKA me), Nanette was dissatisfied with the ending of the book and thus she began to search the interwebs for theories on why the book ended in that way or the meaning behind the ending, ironically the name if the chapter where she does this is: Like the story wasn’t finished and I agree with that wholeheartedly. She talks to Mr. Graves about it and he arranges for her to meet Nigel Booker, the author, however she isn't  allowed to talk about the book or else he’ll leave and he kind of deduces what Nanette doe like she’s on the soccer team and etcetera, oddly they become friends after that.  Booker is kinda the catalyst that makes Nanette self destruct as she begins to “quit” things like soccer, her friends, basically anything. (If you guys want like a super detailed review of this book please let me know so I can discuss more on the plot and stuff)

The book made me really think about what I was doing with my life because like Nanette I’ve kind of lived like a puppet on a string to try and please people around me even though I’d much rather throw bricks at their faces. Like her I’ve struggled with “quitting” everything (as do most depressed people do). I feel that she truly grew as a character throughout the book with the development of her thoughts and choices on things that I think that she would’ve just ignored in the beginning. It’s a relatively quick( no pun intended) read and I finished it in about an hour or so. Nanette is very “human”, she makes bad decisions and like most angsty teenagers she doesn't really give a fuck about it and I like that. The plot shows one sided relationships very accurately like when one of Nanette’s “friends” confront her about her sudden change and as a reader you realize that maybe this chick doesn’t know her best friend as wells she think she does. Overall, it was a really interesting read, although I don't think it was as good as Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock, it had witty chapter names, the characters are more “real” I guess you could say, like it doesn't sugar coat certain issues that people face and it shows the consequences to the characters’ actions and I found that to be very refreshing. I’d recommend this book to anyone who's sick of feeling alone and is tired of trying, or someone who, like me, was looking for something to make them feel as understood as when they read The Perks of Being a Wallflower.( Every Exquisite Thing won't make you feel as much though, the internal conflict of the main character is less intense). I’m sorry that I keep on going on a tangent in this post, if you’re interested in more of my sporadic musings, follow my blog for more posts on books, fanfiction and stationery.  

[zentheatrics-blog]

The Other Fifty: A Thought On Sex In Cinema

For those that read my randomly written reviews, I want to thank you. Being able to spread my thoughts on various film concepts intrigues me. From movies that give you a HUD (nerd speak) to movies tackling tough subjects, I like to contemplate. This outlet is healthy and I truly enjoy it.

With that out of the way, let me begin by saying this is a review of Fifty Shades of Grey. It will follow a different format and a different approach, so give it some love and let me know if it tickles your fancy. Tedsters is still here, as well as a special guest star who will be revealed later. Say hi, Tedsters.

~Eating noddles~ Hi. ~Returns to eating noodles~

So let us begin. It won’t be that kind of ride, but it will be a kind of ride.

-The Essence of Entertaining Subject Matter-

One of the most intriguing nerdy experiences I had was working with Lunar Magic on the computer. For those that remember that phase of my life, I worked on making my own Super Mario World levels using a program called Lunar Magic. In each level I designed, I would come up with a concept that the community would call a “Gimmick”. To define in the context of the game, a gimmick is any idea that mixes up the gameplay by innovating it. A simple example is having a level where Mario has to jump on platforms that fade in and out. The unity of these platforms creates an intriguing aesthetic, while also challenging the player. Along with this, this gimmick expands on the default gameplay of Mario jumping. See, the thing is within a game you have the basic default gameplay and the gimmicks the player must go through. Good gameplay is important, as well as very well orchestrated gimmicks. Here is a list of things to consider when making gimmicks in a level:

Does the gimmick expand or challenge the default gameplay?

Is it innovative?

Does it draw in the player? ~Like the dreaded water levels of Mario~

Does it inspire or intrigue the player?

And lastly, does it fit within the game? Does the artwork match? Is it forced? Is there too little of it? How is the pacing of the game influenced by the gimmick?

When you consider these factors and how they relate to game design, you may even see how they could be related to any other subjective media. We see them in movies, art, and music. Kendrick Lamar, in some of his rap songs, will vary up his rap style to create multiple layers. Gimmicks. Wes Anderson will use the centering screen film style (default to him) while also adding unique situations to expand upon this (gimmicks). So how does this work with Fifty Shades of Grey?

It doesn’t. ~Finishes up noodles~ 

How do you even eat? Anyways. Next bolded text section!

-The Relation of Gimmicks to Fifty Shades-

I refuse to make a TL;DR for this, so hear me out. Fifty Shades of Grey has a lot of things going against it and I will note that here. First of all, there were two things I liked about the movie: the drunk scene where Anastasia Steele begins to tell hilarious jokes to a cringe-worthy Christian Grey. It was funny, on point, and actually felt natural compared to the rest of the movie. The second thing I liked about the movie was how Christian Grey had a document to sign to have sex with him. I liked the business set up for it. It was funny to me... I dunno.

Kinky Erik. ~Gets up, grabs a glass bottle Coke, and sits down~

Anyways... Gimmicks. Right. Okay.

So in movies, much like in level design, there is a need for good gimmicks. It is definitely true that good character development, pacing, plot development, and connecting to the audience are all important. As the same time, there are many B movies that are self aware in such a way that they know they are B movies. They give up on good character development, in a sense, to give a more rewarding film experience. Rocky Horror Picture Show comes to mind a little. Or some of Monty Python. Anyways, Fifty Shades of Grey does not fit this mold and as such I feel that the chemistry between the two characters is flat. Most people probably agree.

The pacing of the movie felt slow and predictable, along with the plot. The point is these elements did not draw me in and when I experienced the drunk scene or the sex document concept, I wanted more of that. The rest did not deliver that natural feeling where I felt a part of it. I felt more like I was simply sitting through two characters going through the motions instead of feeling emotions.

With that said, it leads to the gimmicks category. One of the movie’s focuses was on sex gimmicks, which I theorize has to be done very specifically in order to work with the rest of the above mentioned elements in a movie. It is like telling a daring joke where everything (the set up, the twist, and the punch line) is executed perfectly. I feel that with Fifty Shades, the sex gimmicks were fine to attempt to bring in the viewer. The issue is, it did not bring me in. I predict that this is due to not building a good default gameplay. The characters forced a thing that needed clarification. Christian can be a sex dominant, but I want to feel (bear with it) him. I want to relate to his struggles and his desires. I want to be a part of Anastasia’s character.

These gimmicks of sexual intrigue have to be played out by characters who care, at least on screen. It felt too much like going through the motions. The setting of the joke was off, even if the gimmicks themselves could totally work in a different setting. I remember my time watching Secretary and how I felt a part of the movie. The slapping scene felt dirty, but it also felt like I was part of it. With Fifty Shades, it felt like I was watching a soft core porn with no connection to the characters. On top of that (no pun intended), a gimmick can not be over done. That is what happened to Fifty Shades. 

With that said, let us get another view. ~Unlocks closest~

Enter Angela...

Well... I’m not sure why I was locked in a closet, per se, but I did have the debatable pleasure of listening to Erik mutter to himself the whole way through this review... and I suppose the first thing I need to do here is... Hang on...

*steals Tedsters’ Coke and crunches on some uncooked ramen*

Ha! I was starved... but not in the way Anastasia so clearly was in the film. My question is how come every time a film like this comes out the female protagonist seems to be a complete innocent in all ways sexual? Now, I understand this is a parody sloppy fanfiction  romantic story loosely based on the Twilight series, and Bella was the same as Ana in this - seemingly able to live her life on her own until the instant the main male character enters and then it’s all, “Save me, hold me, make me the way you imagine your woman to be [cuz I have no unique template to follow]!”

Now, Fifty Shades does improve vastly in the second film, but that is for another day. For this day, Ana is very clearly the damsel in need of direction. The thing is, there are times in the film when she almost seems to be playing to Christian’s whims, teasing (with that lip biting and the texting/messages), and the like. Unfortunately, for her, it does all go too far (at her own behest), and she up and leaves Christian.

To be honest, upon rewatching the film recently, I found that I actually do like Ana much more than Bella. Whereas Bella frequents the “roll over and let the man take control” approach, Ana mostly only does that with the sex scenes (which, I do agree, were far less hardcore than expected, given the books); in real life beyond that, Ana actually does have a little bit of a backbone and she does stand up for herself, even to the point of leaving at the end. Go Ana! (When I learned she was going to return to Christian’s arms in the next book/movie, I was peeved, but again, at least from the film’s standpoint, it was actually more reasonably presented, even if it was inconsistent at times).

To wrap this up a bit... Fifty Shades left something to be desired, and not just for Ana and Christian. It’s true - the only scenes that felt truly natural were the bar night and, actually, the small plane scene when Christian and Ana actually seemed to be having fun without needing a Red Room or a contract (screw contracts that order your way of screwing!). For the most part, the relationship didn’t seem to be based on much (again, more development was given in the second film to make it more understandable) and it was rather portrayed as shallow.

Ultimately, I would say Fifty Shades of Grey would serve better as a prequel, or a mini-sode in the grand scheme of the series. It didn’t really need to be a feature length movie, but isn’t that just the way these days with directors making their movies as long or spread out as possible (The Hobbit, Breaking Dawn and Harry Potter come immediately to mind)? I honestly think it would have worked just as well with some thoughtful cutting and editing of the existing scenes, some condensing, or at least a lot more character development. But that’s just me - I ask for a lot in wanting a decent storyline and relatable characters.

*Tosses the empty Coke bottle* Now that I’ve had my sugar for the week, I’m gonna run wild! Maybe that is why I was locked in the closet... Right, for my own good. Just like that contract was for Christian’s Ana’s, right? *runs away*

-To Sum It Up-

~Staring at his empty hand, without any Coke~ Well I definitely didn’t plan for this. I liked what she said... but now my drink... It is gone. Have you gotten paid yet?

Don’t be looking at me Teddy! Anyways. Overall Fifty Shades was a movie that did not do what I imagine the book was able to achieve. It had poor character and plot development. I agree with the mini-sode idea and how longer than necessary movies has become another modern day cinema mistake that is done way more than it should be. The Hobbit is a great example of this. I agree that Ana’s ability to be more independent does help, however the trend of falling to the whims of a man is definitely over played.

Lastly, to clarify, gimmicks are great when executed correctly. It requires a good deal of thought, even for the ones that felt suddenly created. Pacing, environment, being believable, and shot correctly by the camera are important for cinema gimmicks. Fifty Shades does not do well following these trends and in all honesty we can learn a lot about proper filming techniques from this movie. Overall I give it one strap-on out of... well actually lets just end it here. Anyways, I wonder where Angela ran off to.

I don’t know man. Wanna watch Secretary?

Sure thing. *Goes to the fridge and pulls out a glass bottle of Coke* Here you go buddy.

I love yeah man. Cheers!